Mason and Jacklyn Ruhl started volunteering with Crossroads seven years ago on their journey to find their fit in foster care. Years later, they decided to open up their home and have since welcomed five children into their home. The Ruhls are a faithful example of what it looks like to show up time and time again, and to humbly and honestly receive support from Crossroads and the community. Foster parents are an imperfect people serving a perfect God in the midst of a lot of brokenness, but there is power in support and vulnerability.
Q: What led you to become foster parents?
Mason: “Jacklyn spearheaded fostering. We talked about it before we got married. Jacklyn is adopted and my parents fostered kids in our Mississippi home where I grew up, so we’ve always had a desire to provide a loving home for kids since we both were fortunate to grow up in families where adoption and foster care were “normal.” We had an extra room at home and financial stability with our jobs, so it felt like the right time! Initially, we were scared and wondered if we could help kids who had a history of trauma.”
Q: What helped you overcome that initial fear?
Jacklyn: “A Journey Home (AJH) training was Crossroads’ first virtual training (due to Covid), back in November 2020. A few months after training, we became parents for the first time when we welcomed a 9-year-old boy into our home! We’ve learned to understand when a kid is acting out, there are so many underlying factors. We’ve had some really good moments emerge out of those hard moments, but they are very draining. While some hard moments bring us closer together, others keep us up at night. We realized quickly we’ve got to pick our battles and instead meet the need. One important lesson we’ve learned is not to sweat the small stuff – like vegetables! Rather than trying to get him to eat carrots, our focus became teaching and modeling respectful language. TBRIÒ has helped so much – if the kids are at a certain level, we need to meet them there. We’ve experienced the power of connecting and play. We shouldn’t assume that overnight we can correct something that’s been going on for years.”
Q: How does your community of friends and family support you?
Jacklyn: “Our Family Partners have all been great to hang out with us, play in the park, and pray for us. We FaceTime with out-of-town family, and ask for prayer from our support group. One thing that’s really helped us look back on how far we’ve come (and the kids in our care), is a journal we’ve created with photos to celebrate memories and milestones. Looking back on our memory book has often helped rekindle our spirits just in time for that extra encouragement we forgot we needed! Crossroads’ Family Fun Night has been amazing. We’re so thankful for Crossroads as you’ve been 10/10 for us with reliability as an organization which is huge.”
Q: What advice do you have for those becoming foster parents?
Mason: “Talk through your expectations beforehand, especially with your spouse! This will prepare you and guide your mindset to be flexible. Be ready to deal with uncertainty, and to learn new information as time goes on. There will be many appointments and meetings with case workers so setting realistic expectations and staying flexible is what matters.”
Jacklyn: “Routines are so helpful! The sooner you can develop a routine, the better. Because we are on a routine, he is a good sleeper. Nighttime is an important time for us to regroup as parents, to reflect to each other on the day we’ve had, and recall moments good or bad. Having consistent community supporters to talk to is HUGE. The family members and Family Partners who check on us truly make all the difference.”
Crossroads NOLA’s mission is to connect children in foster care to the families, individuals, and opportunities they need to thrive. We recruit new foster families from local churches, develop them into competent caregivers for kids from hard places through training in TBRI®, and support them through the ups and downs of their journey as foster parents. Join the Home Team and support this life-changing work all year long!